doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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