Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Be still, my beating vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
