you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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