just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
