I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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