Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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