need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize