I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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