He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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