Too much gin, very little bucket
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
