There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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