I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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