Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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