you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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