her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
