I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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