shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
worst night to have a conscience
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
