Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
