I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
