I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
