I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
