she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
