Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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