I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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