i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
