don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
