Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
