Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
