Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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