You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
