There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm always down for nudity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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