I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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