I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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