ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
