i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
