i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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