Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
