You really coming over, don't trick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
