Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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