Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
