I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
