Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
