I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Green mimosas i think yes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
