I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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