I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
