Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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