I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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