Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
