I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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