she was so not down for the gang bang
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
