Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
