Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm having to shit out rocks
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
