Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
