Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
