Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
