Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
