shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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