I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
