I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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