for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
