Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
