Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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