you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still dying that you shit outside
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize