I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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