So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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