I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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