I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
