How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
