He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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