yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Found your dick twin last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
