i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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