Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
