He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
