i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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