Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
