Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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