She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
