guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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