dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
