Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im part way to drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
