If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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