OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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