Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
