I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
