hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
