I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
