dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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