my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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