i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
