A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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