i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
