I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
