It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize