my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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