So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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