One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
